Jerry-Orest
You know, when we first met it was like any other relationship. We were happy without a care in the world. We would spend time with eachother  everyday playing, laughing, sharing memories, but I have to be honest with you Blizzard, it feels like we’ve grown apart.

Blizzard, I have to say that this relationship has turned sour. What was once hours of fun has turned to frustration and abuse. How could you do this to me Blizzard? I just wanted to play Starcraft, but you won’t let me. You lead me on and then shut me down with unfounded lag. This abuse has to stop, I do not have high latency and neither do my friends. I used to come back to you whenever I would leave, thinking that you’ve changed but everytime it’s the same thing.

I don’t know how else to say this Blizzard, other than I won’t be seeing you again, you’ve led me on and have abused me for too long and I’ve had enough, we’re over. I don’t want to see you again until you change into Starcraft 2.0

Goodbye Blizzard.

Cheers, Jerry-Orest

StormtruperTK41

Hey all, I would like to take this time to enlighten you all on the concept of pwning. There are many misconceptions about said pwning. When it should happen, who it should happen to, what really constitutes pwning, what what it means for the person doing the pwning and getting pwned.

First off lets consider four very important rules of pwning, three of them are rock solid pwnologies of teh_masterer, and one of which is of my own creation with the help of one Rene Descartes. 1. If one eats like a n00b, one will be pwned like a n00b. This is pretty key folks, you go around eating like a vegetarian, or excluding things like Bawls from your diet and thats it man, just put the controller down because you have become impotent in the gaming community. So eat heartily and fill the pwn meters to the max.  2. If one wants to truely pwn, one must pwn in all games. Ok lets look closely at this one and careful no to step in the bullshit so many gamers tend to. To say one must pwn in all games is not to say that one must play at all games. For example you can still pwn at a game and refuse to play it on the basis that it gargles balls, e.i. Two Worlds. However, the basis on this is that if you can’t extend your pwn-factor to all games then you don’t really pwn, your just good at one game. And to say that you can simultaneously pwn at all games instantly at the same time more than anyone else is something to strive for, but not to expect. 3. Pwn the n00b, taunt the n00b, but never hate the n00b, because without n00bs there could be no one to pwn, as you can’t (and should never attempt) to pwn yourself. 4. I pwn, therefore, I am. This came to me one day as I thought about my philosophy class and the old formula of I think, therefore, I am. This holds pretty constant for gamers, pwning defines you both on and off line. The most dangerous part of this statement is that the day you stop pwning, is the day you cease to exist. I have seen it happen people, don’t let it happen to you, its like when you cross the streams of a ghostbuster backpack.

Pwning should happen as often as possible and to everyone except yourself and other people who pwn. Basically pwning constitutes Darwinism in that it helps to weed out the weak and weak minded. As long as there are two people anywhere, one will get pwned and the other will pwn. If pwning didn’t occur then Kirk would never have defeated Kahn, Vader would never have thrown Palpatine over the edge, and John Stuart would not have a show (as it basically consists of pwning people on television).

Pwning is made up of a simple formula: P=N/Pr x C, where P=pwning, N=n00b, Pr=pwner, C=circumstance. N=G-S, where G=gamer, S=skillz. But that is the technical aspect of pwning, in real life application this equation plays out without us being aware of it until its too late. Where a gamer has weak shit (or no skillz), he is a n00b. When a n00b is varied by an pwner, the power of the circumstance in which the pwning occurs will give the total pwnage conceived. So a n00b pwned by a lucky gamer in a game they have both never played before alone in a room is not nearly equal to a n00b getting spanked by a gamer, where both gamers have played for a while, and they have an audience watching while the n00b gets knifed.

When gets pwned, they become a n00b. However, they can be a momentary n00b, an instantaneous n00b, or a n00b (worst kind). A straight up n00b is someone who is pwned consistantl, and pretty much at everything. May God have mercy on their souls. A momentary n00b is when someone, who is not normally a n00b, is having a n00b performance, or a “bad night of gaming”. External factors may also be at work here. The more one pwns, the less this is likely to occur. Instantaneous n00b is a gamer, possibly even a pwner, who succumbs to n00bness for an instance or is “n00bified” by someone else in one swift move, but then recovers pwner status. This can happen to the best of us and no judgment should be past upon the instantaneous n00b, but instead heap praise on the one who n00bified him.

Finally, when someone pwns someone else it could be accidental or purposefully. There are many kinds of pwning, all of them good but the different kinds offer different consequences for the pwner. Accidental pwnage will grant the pwner momentary limelight and nothing more.Fairly consistant pwning, of those at the pwners skill level and sometimes above, grants the label “pwner” to the pwner. It is the job of the pwner to make the world a more awesome place by ridding us of the useless opinion of the n00b. In an argument online, a gamer may be silenced when he is pwned by the person arguing with him, verbally or otherwise.

Pwner: “What ever man the n00b tube is fucking gay, it takes no skill to use!, Use frags, way better!”

N00b: “No fucking way is a regular frag grenade better than the grenade launcher attachment! These fuckers explode on impact, you have to be pretty fucking retarded not to dodge a grenade!”

*Pwner then throws perfect frag into window of house of hiding n00btuber and blows him to kingdom come*

Excellent pwnage…

Hope this was helpfully to the uneducated, n00bs and those who want to look deeper at pwnage.

“Pull da pin, throw da uvver bit”

StormtruperTK41

Hey guys and gals, so heres whats goin on in this stortruper’s life.

So first off, i thought I would introduce you guys to natures incarnation of pwnage. Its called a hawk, it lives in my back yard and it pwns things…to death. Here are a couple of pictures of it eating a mouse and then another bird in my backyard. It aspired me to pwn on a totally new level.


Next off, teaching n00bs to game is hard work! One of my roommates does not game, the other one only games noncompetitive style Wii games (lolz). My third roommate games casually, and is getting better everyday, but he is still a long way from pwning. For their benefit and the benefit of n00blets everywhere here are a couple lessons in gaming, both FPS and RTS strats, with one borrowed from PurePwnage, I am sure you can guess which one if your a fan of the show. By the way episode 16 of PP web released on the web as of Saturday. Great episode! I encourage you to go check it out at www.purepwnage.com.

Thats all for now, but I would like to once again ask viewers of the site to post some comments, we would love to hear what the facless internet has to say!

GG, Storm

StomrtruperTK41

Hey gamefans, just a quick update for you today.

I would like to start off by saying that I would soon like to get some Vlogs going but I must first invest in a quality web cam, as my current one dates back a few years, and has been through some wear and tear. When the time comes you will see my pretty face and hear my lovely voice AT THE SAME TIME! Isn’t technology wonderful?

Secondly, here is a quick review of the small amount of Dawn of War Soulstorm that I have played. First off lets say that the two new races are, for lack of a better term, ballin’. Each is very colorful and characteristic of their table top counterparts. Each has its own play style and brings with it new tactics. The Dark Eldar, for example, can dish out huge punishment, and move very quickly, being able to mount entire squads onto gunships with fire positions. On the other hand though they can’t take alot of damage before they die. Their builders also don’t have to stick around while things build, much like the Protoss of StarCraft. The Dark Eldar, also harvest the souls of fallen bodies through various units in order to summon dark powers to turn the tide of battle.

The Sisters of battle on the other hand are religious zealots who utilize many flame weapons in order to purge the unclean. They have many interesting powers which can be used though acts of faith. Faith is generated on the battle field through special units and buildings. They are much like the Space Marines but offer a wider range of units, and can’t take nearly as much punishment, so will require a much larger need for babysitting units.

The Sisters have a unit called the Living Saint, who is describe as a Juggernaut of faith. My favorite unit by far is the Dark Eldar Dais of Destruction, because besides the fact that it has many benefits, and rocks ass, if you zoom in on it you will see that this unit has…bitches. Yes thats right, half naked women chained at the foot of a thrown war shipping the commander of the ship. I am reminded of Jabba’s sail barge.

The campaign itself is fairly cool, lots of places to fight, which is great because there are a load of new maps to wage war in the grim future. Many cool features have been added, such as each race having its own special feature: Orks auto reinforce their territories for free over time, DE can travel through ancient gates all over the planets, Eldar have quicker movement, Space Marines can deep strike units behind enemy lines at start of battle, Tau have an interplanetary cannon that can bombard enemies before battle, and the Sisters of Battle can establish forward bases, too name a few. I myself have started the campaign off green, cause green is best.

Thats all for now, hope you enjoyed my little review, so until next time WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!

StormtruperTK41

Hey all, just another quick update for you today.

Here is the cinematic trailer for the up and coming MMORPG Warhammer: Age of Reckoning (cream) I strongly suggest watching it as it is one of the sexiest videos ever, you will have to excuse the poor sound quality on it, best I could find.

Secondly, me and one of my roommates picked up Dawn of War Soulstorm, so keep an eye out soon for a full uncensored review.

StormtruperTK41

The answer my friends is that we are men WITH mice. Optical mice to be more precise (pardon my rhyme). What I am talking about here is the wonderful rise of the legitimacy of gaming. There was a time, when I was but a small boy, when video games were considered the refuge of the socially retarded, outcasts, or simply put nerds and geeks. Even in reality as most guys, and some girls, played video games, they had to keep it a deep dark secret. Nowadays, however, video games are the latest and greatest pop culture phenomenon. With movies and books being written about popular video games, documentaries recorded websites, stores, and shows devoted to gaming. Truly this is the golden age of the gamer, that is, until virtual reality becomes an option.

With games like Guitar Hero, and Rock Band on the market, and essentially every game for the Wii, video games now have something to offer for everyone, and can even be something fun to do at a party. Video games are also much more accepted by the average Joe or Jane. Even when someone has the gal to tease a gamer, gamers are part of a community now and really couldn’t care less what some n00b has to say about it. Last year I remember walking on campus wearing one of my PurePwnage shirts, and over 5 different people commented on what a great shirt I had. I felt like holding my ring into the air and yelling “GAMERRRRRRS ASSEMBLE!” but I didn’t, the general populous don’t know we can do that yet.

With each passing week gaming becomes more popular, with famous celebrities doing video game voice acting, having video games referenced in TV shows, and the now televised MLG (Major League Gaming). I watched this a few times on TV and I was both pleased and amazed that it was on TV. In my opinion it is still in its infancy but as time goes on I am sure it will incorporate a larger spectrum of games in its competitions, as well as a more elaborate set of rules and play systems and consoles. These days there are even gamer chicks…like really hot gamer chicks. I mean I watched some special features on the Halo 3 game discs and it showed two of the best players, who compete in the MLG, and they were some smoking girls, twins no less. Check out the gaming clan PMS, an all girl gaming clan, or the frag dolls, here is an interview with the latter.

So next time you sit down on the bus beside some guy, or girl, playing a PSP or Nintendo DS, you would be wise not to judge him, because odds are that half of the other people on that bus are gamers too. And its unwise to upset a gamer, you don’t have to worry about upsetting other people because other people don’t pull your arms outa their sockets when they lose.

If your one of those people who just sits there and ridicules gamers, then maybe you should sit your ass down and play some video games from time to time…you just might like it.

StormtruperTk41

Hey webfans, I don’t know how much I will have to say today since due to a touch of the flu I have been disconnected from most of the world with only my psychology text books from hell to keep me company. I thought I should make a post anyways so that my three compatriots don’t get all the glory.

This Tuesday will be the release of Dawn of War: Soulstorm, the third expansion/stand alone game in the Dawn of War RTS series. It will feature two new playable races (Sisters of Battle and Dark Eldar) for a total of 9 UNIQUE playable races. This expansion also introduces aerial units and boasts a huge single player campaign. GO BUY THIS GAME!! The game’s co-developer Iron Lore (also developed Titan Quest and it’s expansion) announced that it will be closing its doors due to financial problems. Thankfully this will not affect the release of Soulstorm, but who now will take on future DoW projects!?

I also saw that of late there has been yet another school shooting in the United States, this time in the University of Illinois. Where there are school shootings you can bet to find our old friend Jack Thompson spreading lies, deceit and corruption by blaming video games for all of it. Did I say video games, I meant to say “murder simulators”, its really sad to say that in this day and age people like Thompson are deemed worthy enough to be put on TV, if you can call Fox News TV.

I read Rapidfires post regarding WoW and let me tell ou that I have cancelled my subscription…in favor of another MMORPG, its name Warhammer Online. Yes thats right, Warhammer Fantasy Battle is taking to your computer screen this year and promises some cool new features such as realm VS realm battles to simulate the ongoing wars between races. You may play on the side of order as the dwarves, empire of man, and high elves. Or the side of disorder (hell yes) as the forces of Orcs and Goblins, Chaos, and the Dark Elves. I just hope it turns out to be everything it promises to be.

Well thats it for now, I have to go get some sleep, I promised myself that if I’m not better by Monday I’m committing suicide.

Rapidfire068

I once saw someone propose to their girlfriend using the forge map editor on Halo 3 and back then I thought that I had seen everything. It turns out….I was wrong.

It seems that the world’s biggest Massively Multiplayer Online Role playing Game (MMORPG), World of Warcraft has been stirring up trouble in RL (Real Life). As those of you who have played WoW already know, it can be an incredibly addicting game. So much so that it can almost literally consume people’s lives, making them devote every spare minute to battling through dungeons with their online friends. For the most part this has been seen as a relatively harmless addiction, but recently a 28 year old woman from California divorced her husband after six years of marriage over his addiction to WoW.

“He would get home from work at 6:00, start playing at 6:30, and he’d play until 3:00AM. Weekends were worse - it was morning straight through until the middle of the night,” she told Yahoo! Games in an interview. “It took away all of our time that we spent together. I ceased to exist in his life.”

Ironically enough it was the wife who got him started on Wow. She used to work for Blizzard and gave WoW to her husband as a Christmas gift in 2004…LOL. I personally take this as just another reason to never play this game, but to you orcs elves and sorcerers out there…resist the power of MMORPGs…they are the DEVIL. That’s all for today true believers. Later everyone!

LogicalNot

Its colorful. Its vivid. Its fast. Its audiosurf. And its fulfilled some of my deepest dreams. After all, who doesn’t dream of speeding down a highway driving through colored things and avoiding the non-colored ones. I mean that in a totally race-friendly way. But seriously, for a long time now, I’ve enjoyed the thrills that come with speed. Never have I been able to enjoy them in such a careless environment though. Most of the time my life is on the line, but now with audio surf, its just the color’s lives that are on the line(race-friendly…trust me).

But yeah, Audiosurf… two thumbs up! Its a valuable addition to the music and patterns game genre. I think I’ll be enjoying it for many decades to come. Well maybe not decades but for a couple weeks at least.

I haven’t updated you guys in a while. Sorry! Well to be brutally honest. I just plain don’t like you guys. You don’t visit us often enough, you dont comment, you dont rate but more importantly you dont click on the Google ads in the sidebar over and over to give us extra money. What the hell is wrong with you?

Of more recent news, I’ve jumped into Halo again, sigh I swear my one friend in North Bay feels threatened that I never actually want to hang out with him so he slips me the halo rufee and I’m all in. D00d you dont need to do this to hang with me! I am just naturally a busy fucker when I’m in town. I know its sad that I can be so tied up in a game to the point where all my prior commitments just fall to the feet of Master Chief as I parade around turning aliens into goo. But man, aside from driving into colors (race-friendly) nothing beats the good old headshots.

I recently started COD4 finally! And let me tell you, if there is one game that will draw me away from Halo, that is the one. This game is un-be-freakin-lievable. I’m deeply in love with it. But I’m sad to admit its not the healthiest relationship. For example, I went through the whole first level and a good portion of the second without dying, and as soon as I did for the first time I cursed the game, and my xbox, and myself, and god, and my micro, and the spider on the wall that taunts me with his stupid grin of ridicule, and my controller.

FYI: The spider is dead now.

IRL, I’ve been pretty busy too, running around like a chicken without a head studying, prepping for midterms, writing midterms, travelling, and other nonsense that distracts me from gaming. I’ve gotten to visit my friends a bit lately which has been nice. My real friends, not the one who seduces me with halo into being his friend. Real friends like Storm, Rapid and imthinking. Infact, good news to report: Rapid and imthinking and I are all going down south to Toronto this weekend coming up to see the purepwnage screening at Bloor cinema on Saturday. Basically we got really concerned that we have to contribute to global gamer awesomeness and train some n00bs.

So that’s that for now, I wont bore you guys with all the gritty details but its been a blast the past week or so. Comment, rate, and click on the ad’s goddamnit!

Later d00dz.

Hey folks, I would have wrote something earlier, and I did try, but about three-quarters through writing my post, when my internet froze and I lost everything I had been writing. That was so discouraging that I just quite. So here is round two.

First off I have a few things to say considering mindlessness, its good points and its not so good points. Now by mindlessness I mean anyhting that requires no thought. I have recently been enjoying mindless action movies in slews and enjoying them very much, I don’t care what the critiques say. I have recently enjoyed such bloodfests as all four Rambo movies, Payback (a Mel Gibson bit of awesome), Predator (only the first one, we all know why), and Shoot Em’ Up. They are all just wonderful movies filled with ridiculous stunts, lots of killing and trash talking men with nice cars and hot girl friends. Now there is something to be said for Shoot Em’ Up. It stars Clive Owen, who is a great actor, and in my opinion should have been the next James Bond. Never before did I think there was a movie that could pack more action than Crank. Those of you who have seen Crank will know that this means that Shoot Em’ Up has more action packed into two hours than WWII.

Then there is the bad side of mindless, like people who work at drive through windows, George Bush Jr., and the recent movie Jumper. Yes this is a movie that you should wait to rent if you really want to see it that badly. The only note of acting comes from Samuel L. Jackson, and I know this because he actually manage to make me hate him in this movie. Hayden Christiansen…every time he yelled or screamed in pain it sounded exactly like when he was by that river of lava, and he sounded just as whiny as ever. His love interest played by Rachel Bilson was also horrible, in the entire movie i think she pulls off a grand total of three facial expressions, which is a good day for her! Honestly though it looks like her lips are paralyzed all the time, which may account for the sloppy kiss scenes.

So, here is another thing that really chaps my ass. People who buy video games first day out, complain about it, say the campaign is too short, the graphics are not what they thought, and the game play is stupid…Then they play the thing nonstop on the internet. AND the whole time they are on playing they just bitch about the game. WHY ARE YOU PLAYING IT THEN!? First off its your own damn fault for dropping 60 bucks to play the damn thing fresh on the market instead of spending 8 to rent it first to see if its worth a buy. Even worse than that is people who complain the game is too short and have yet to beat it on the hardest difficulty. In my opinion a game isn’t worth playing if its not at its most challenging level. I always set a game to its hardest setting when I first get it, most bang for your buck if you ask me, and then you can really tell your friends you beat it. For example, people always tell me the Call of Duty 4 campaign is too short, well let me say that if you play it on Veteran level from start to finish, its a good length for a shooter game. I get the feeling that people want every game to be as long as Oblivion or mass effect, which would be nice, but its not practical and you all know it. And Jesus, if you don’t like it then either stop playing it or keep it to yourself man!

In closing I would like to encourage people to leave comments on the site, subscribe to us, and leave some questiosn for us to address so we can write more to what you want to hear.

Until next time lads and lasses, ciao