StormtruperTK41

Hey all, I would like to take this time to enlighten you all on the concept of pwning. There are many misconceptions about said pwning. When it should happen, who it should happen to, what really constitutes pwning, what what it means for the person doing the pwning and getting pwned.

First off lets consider four very important rules of pwning, three of them are rock solid pwnologies of teh_masterer, and one of which is of my own creation with the help of one Rene Descartes. 1. If one eats like a n00b, one will be pwned like a n00b. This is pretty key folks, you go around eating like a vegetarian, or excluding things like Bawls from your diet and thats it man, just put the controller down because you have become impotent in the gaming community. So eat heartily and fill the pwn meters to the max.  2. If one wants to truely pwn, one must pwn in all games. Ok lets look closely at this one and careful no to step in the bullshit so many gamers tend to. To say one must pwn in all games is not to say that one must play at all games. For example you can still pwn at a game and refuse to play it on the basis that it gargles balls, e.i. Two Worlds. However, the basis on this is that if you can’t extend your pwn-factor to all games then you don’t really pwn, your just good at one game. And to say that you can simultaneously pwn at all games instantly at the same time more than anyone else is something to strive for, but not to expect. 3. Pwn the n00b, taunt the n00b, but never hate the n00b, because without n00bs there could be no one to pwn, as you can’t (and should never attempt) to pwn yourself. 4. I pwn, therefore, I am. This came to me one day as I thought about my philosophy class and the old formula of I think, therefore, I am. This holds pretty constant for gamers, pwning defines you both on and off line. The most dangerous part of this statement is that the day you stop pwning, is the day you cease to exist. I have seen it happen people, don’t let it happen to you, its like when you cross the streams of a ghostbuster backpack.

Pwning should happen as often as possible and to everyone except yourself and other people who pwn. Basically pwning constitutes Darwinism in that it helps to weed out the weak and weak minded. As long as there are two people anywhere, one will get pwned and the other will pwn. If pwning didn’t occur then Kirk would never have defeated Kahn, Vader would never have thrown Palpatine over the edge, and John Stuart would not have a show (as it basically consists of pwning people on television).

Pwning is made up of a simple formula: P=N/Pr x C, where P=pwning, N=n00b, Pr=pwner, C=circumstance. N=G-S, where G=gamer, S=skillz. But that is the technical aspect of pwning, in real life application this equation plays out without us being aware of it until its too late. Where a gamer has weak shit (or no skillz), he is a n00b. When a n00b is varied by an pwner, the power of the circumstance in which the pwning occurs will give the total pwnage conceived. So a n00b pwned by a lucky gamer in a game they have both never played before alone in a room is not nearly equal to a n00b getting spanked by a gamer, where both gamers have played for a while, and they have an audience watching while the n00b gets knifed.

When gets pwned, they become a n00b. However, they can be a momentary n00b, an instantaneous n00b, or a n00b (worst kind). A straight up n00b is someone who is pwned consistantl, and pretty much at everything. May God have mercy on their souls. A momentary n00b is when someone, who is not normally a n00b, is having a n00b performance, or a “bad night of gaming”. External factors may also be at work here. The more one pwns, the less this is likely to occur. Instantaneous n00b is a gamer, possibly even a pwner, who succumbs to n00bness for an instance or is “n00bified” by someone else in one swift move, but then recovers pwner status. This can happen to the best of us and no judgment should be past upon the instantaneous n00b, but instead heap praise on the one who n00bified him.

Finally, when someone pwns someone else it could be accidental or purposefully. There are many kinds of pwning, all of them good but the different kinds offer different consequences for the pwner. Accidental pwnage will grant the pwner momentary limelight and nothing more.Fairly consistant pwning, of those at the pwners skill level and sometimes above, grants the label “pwner” to the pwner. It is the job of the pwner to make the world a more awesome place by ridding us of the useless opinion of the n00b. In an argument online, a gamer may be silenced when he is pwned by the person arguing with him, verbally or otherwise.

Pwner: “What ever man the n00b tube is fucking gay, it takes no skill to use!, Use frags, way better!”

N00b: “No fucking way is a regular frag grenade better than the grenade launcher attachment! These fuckers explode on impact, you have to be pretty fucking retarded not to dodge a grenade!”

*Pwner then throws perfect frag into window of house of hiding n00btuber and blows him to kingdom come*

Excellent pwnage…

Hope this was helpfully to the uneducated, n00bs and those who want to look deeper at pwnage.

“Pull da pin, throw da uvver bit”

StormtruperTK41

Hey guys and gals, so heres whats goin on in this stortruper’s life.

So first off, i thought I would introduce you guys to natures incarnation of pwnage. Its called a hawk, it lives in my back yard and it pwns things…to death. Here are a couple of pictures of it eating a mouse and then another bird in my backyard. It aspired me to pwn on a totally new level.


Next off, teaching n00bs to game is hard work! One of my roommates does not game, the other one only games noncompetitive style Wii games (lolz). My third roommate games casually, and is getting better everyday, but he is still a long way from pwning. For their benefit and the benefit of n00blets everywhere here are a couple lessons in gaming, both FPS and RTS strats, with one borrowed from PurePwnage, I am sure you can guess which one if your a fan of the show. By the way episode 16 of PP web released on the web as of Saturday. Great episode! I encourage you to go check it out at www.purepwnage.com.

Thats all for now, but I would like to once again ask viewers of the site to post some comments, we would love to hear what the facless internet has to say!

GG, Storm

StomrtruperTK41

Hey gamefans, just a quick update for you today.

I would like to start off by saying that I would soon like to get some Vlogs going but I must first invest in a quality web cam, as my current one dates back a few years, and has been through some wear and tear. When the time comes you will see my pretty face and hear my lovely voice AT THE SAME TIME! Isn’t technology wonderful?

Secondly, here is a quick review of the small amount of Dawn of War Soulstorm that I have played. First off lets say that the two new races are, for lack of a better term, ballin’. Each is very colorful and characteristic of their table top counterparts. Each has its own play style and brings with it new tactics. The Dark Eldar, for example, can dish out huge punishment, and move very quickly, being able to mount entire squads onto gunships with fire positions. On the other hand though they can’t take alot of damage before they die. Their builders also don’t have to stick around while things build, much like the Protoss of StarCraft. The Dark Eldar, also harvest the souls of fallen bodies through various units in order to summon dark powers to turn the tide of battle.

The Sisters of battle on the other hand are religious zealots who utilize many flame weapons in order to purge the unclean. They have many interesting powers which can be used though acts of faith. Faith is generated on the battle field through special units and buildings. They are much like the Space Marines but offer a wider range of units, and can’t take nearly as much punishment, so will require a much larger need for babysitting units.

The Sisters have a unit called the Living Saint, who is describe as a Juggernaut of faith. My favorite unit by far is the Dark Eldar Dais of Destruction, because besides the fact that it has many benefits, and rocks ass, if you zoom in on it you will see that this unit has…bitches. Yes thats right, half naked women chained at the foot of a thrown war shipping the commander of the ship. I am reminded of Jabba’s sail barge.

The campaign itself is fairly cool, lots of places to fight, which is great because there are a load of new maps to wage war in the grim future. Many cool features have been added, such as each race having its own special feature: Orks auto reinforce their territories for free over time, DE can travel through ancient gates all over the planets, Eldar have quicker movement, Space Marines can deep strike units behind enemy lines at start of battle, Tau have an interplanetary cannon that can bombard enemies before battle, and the Sisters of Battle can establish forward bases, too name a few. I myself have started the campaign off green, cause green is best.

Thats all for now, hope you enjoyed my little review, so until next time WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!

StormtruperTK41

Hey all, just another quick update for you today.

Here is the cinematic trailer for the up and coming MMORPG Warhammer: Age of Reckoning (cream) I strongly suggest watching it as it is one of the sexiest videos ever, you will have to excuse the poor sound quality on it, best I could find.

Secondly, me and one of my roommates picked up Dawn of War Soulstorm, so keep an eye out soon for a full uncensored review.

StormtruperTK41

The answer my friends is that we are men WITH mice. Optical mice to be more precise (pardon my rhyme). What I am talking about here is the wonderful rise of the legitimacy of gaming. There was a time, when I was but a small boy, when video games were considered the refuge of the socially retarded, outcasts, or simply put nerds and geeks. Even in reality as most guys, and some girls, played video games, they had to keep it a deep dark secret. Nowadays, however, video games are the latest and greatest pop culture phenomenon. With movies and books being written about popular video games, documentaries recorded websites, stores, and shows devoted to gaming. Truly this is the golden age of the gamer, that is, until virtual reality becomes an option.

With games like Guitar Hero, and Rock Band on the market, and essentially every game for the Wii, video games now have something to offer for everyone, and can even be something fun to do at a party. Video games are also much more accepted by the average Joe or Jane. Even when someone has the gal to tease a gamer, gamers are part of a community now and really couldn’t care less what some n00b has to say about it. Last year I remember walking on campus wearing one of my PurePwnage shirts, and over 5 different people commented on what a great shirt I had. I felt like holding my ring into the air and yelling “GAMERRRRRRS ASSEMBLE!” but I didn’t, the general populous don’t know we can do that yet.

With each passing week gaming becomes more popular, with famous celebrities doing video game voice acting, having video games referenced in TV shows, and the now televised MLG (Major League Gaming). I watched this a few times on TV and I was both pleased and amazed that it was on TV. In my opinion it is still in its infancy but as time goes on I am sure it will incorporate a larger spectrum of games in its competitions, as well as a more elaborate set of rules and play systems and consoles. These days there are even gamer chicks…like really hot gamer chicks. I mean I watched some special features on the Halo 3 game discs and it showed two of the best players, who compete in the MLG, and they were some smoking girls, twins no less. Check out the gaming clan PMS, an all girl gaming clan, or the frag dolls, here is an interview with the latter.

So next time you sit down on the bus beside some guy, or girl, playing a PSP or Nintendo DS, you would be wise not to judge him, because odds are that half of the other people on that bus are gamers too. And its unwise to upset a gamer, you don’t have to worry about upsetting other people because other people don’t pull your arms outa their sockets when they lose.

If your one of those people who just sits there and ridicules gamers, then maybe you should sit your ass down and play some video games from time to time…you just might like it.

StormtruperTK41

So, as I am sure you can tell from my title, I intend to talk about government Internet Censorship. Who is with me when I say, “wow what a bad idea”? I mean think of it, if we had internet censorship I probably wouldn’t be able to say “fuck!, VAGINA, President Bush is a moron” and so on. Some may say that some things on the Internet are upsetting or insulting to people well guess what, so do stand up comedians, various movies and books, and meetings on the street. One out of three people who read this are idiots. It doesn’t bother me one bit that I said that, and I am also sure it won’t bother people who read it.

I mean sure there are web sites dedicated to spreading hate about groups, but those people will always be around. Just because you delete a KKK website doesn’t mean you have deleted the KKK. Besides for every site that advocates hate and ignorance, there are two that educate and warn people about such things. And while other people say that groups like the KKK having websites help to gather people to their “cause”, I say that some idiot who wants to join the KKK is going to do it regardless of the Internet, half those toothless ingrates probably don’t have the Internet.

Then there is the question of the government themselves doing the censorship. Having them censor the Internet would be like old NAZI Germany. Whatever the government didn’t like would get deleted off the net. Or perhaps if they controlled it all, they would give certain incentives on one site to benefit themselves. Say…discounts on retail sites for political memberships, votes, or subscriptions. As soon as the Internet is wrapped up tight and given to someone with a bow around it, there will be no fair play, and that person would be free to do what ever they want. Ironically, exactly what people who advocate censorship don’t want.

Not to long ago there was an incident on the Internet concerning AT&T censoring a Pearl Jam concert on their website. For info on that and more concerning Net Neutrality and Internet Censorship I urge you to check it out here.

As a personal favor I would like you the reader to do two things for me. One RIGHT NOW post a comment telling me your thoughts on Internet censorship, and two, next time you meet someone who advocates this stupidity censor them to see how they like it. Tell them that you refuse to talk to them if they at all swear, or that you can’t talk to people with their color of hair because its against your morals or the way you were raised…..Then go write an angry blog on the Internet in spite.

Because this is the Internet HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!!!!!!

StormtruperTk41

Hey webfans, I don’t know how much I will have to say today since due to a touch of the flu I have been disconnected from most of the world with only my psychology text books from hell to keep me company. I thought I should make a post anyways so that my three compatriots don’t get all the glory.

This Tuesday will be the release of Dawn of War: Soulstorm, the third expansion/stand alone game in the Dawn of War RTS series. It will feature two new playable races (Sisters of Battle and Dark Eldar) for a total of 9 UNIQUE playable races. This expansion also introduces aerial units and boasts a huge single player campaign. GO BUY THIS GAME!! The game’s co-developer Iron Lore (also developed Titan Quest and it’s expansion) announced that it will be closing its doors due to financial problems. Thankfully this will not affect the release of Soulstorm, but who now will take on future DoW projects!?

I also saw that of late there has been yet another school shooting in the United States, this time in the University of Illinois. Where there are school shootings you can bet to find our old friend Jack Thompson spreading lies, deceit and corruption by blaming video games for all of it. Did I say video games, I meant to say “murder simulators”, its really sad to say that in this day and age people like Thompson are deemed worthy enough to be put on TV, if you can call Fox News TV.

I read Rapidfires post regarding WoW and let me tell ou that I have cancelled my subscription…in favor of another MMORPG, its name Warhammer Online. Yes thats right, Warhammer Fantasy Battle is taking to your computer screen this year and promises some cool new features such as realm VS realm battles to simulate the ongoing wars between races. You may play on the side of order as the dwarves, empire of man, and high elves. Or the side of disorder (hell yes) as the forces of Orcs and Goblins, Chaos, and the Dark Elves. I just hope it turns out to be everything it promises to be.

Well thats it for now, I have to go get some sleep, I promised myself that if I’m not better by Monday I’m committing suicide.

Hey folks, I would have wrote something earlier, and I did try, but about three-quarters through writing my post, when my internet froze and I lost everything I had been writing. That was so discouraging that I just quite. So here is round two.

First off I have a few things to say considering mindlessness, its good points and its not so good points. Now by mindlessness I mean anyhting that requires no thought. I have recently been enjoying mindless action movies in slews and enjoying them very much, I don’t care what the critiques say. I have recently enjoyed such bloodfests as all four Rambo movies, Payback (a Mel Gibson bit of awesome), Predator (only the first one, we all know why), and Shoot Em’ Up. They are all just wonderful movies filled with ridiculous stunts, lots of killing and trash talking men with nice cars and hot girl friends. Now there is something to be said for Shoot Em’ Up. It stars Clive Owen, who is a great actor, and in my opinion should have been the next James Bond. Never before did I think there was a movie that could pack more action than Crank. Those of you who have seen Crank will know that this means that Shoot Em’ Up has more action packed into two hours than WWII.

Then there is the bad side of mindless, like people who work at drive through windows, George Bush Jr., and the recent movie Jumper. Yes this is a movie that you should wait to rent if you really want to see it that badly. The only note of acting comes from Samuel L. Jackson, and I know this because he actually manage to make me hate him in this movie. Hayden Christiansen…every time he yelled or screamed in pain it sounded exactly like when he was by that river of lava, and he sounded just as whiny as ever. His love interest played by Rachel Bilson was also horrible, in the entire movie i think she pulls off a grand total of three facial expressions, which is a good day for her! Honestly though it looks like her lips are paralyzed all the time, which may account for the sloppy kiss scenes.

So, here is another thing that really chaps my ass. People who buy video games first day out, complain about it, say the campaign is too short, the graphics are not what they thought, and the game play is stupid…Then they play the thing nonstop on the internet. AND the whole time they are on playing they just bitch about the game. WHY ARE YOU PLAYING IT THEN!? First off its your own damn fault for dropping 60 bucks to play the damn thing fresh on the market instead of spending 8 to rent it first to see if its worth a buy. Even worse than that is people who complain the game is too short and have yet to beat it on the hardest difficulty. In my opinion a game isn’t worth playing if its not at its most challenging level. I always set a game to its hardest setting when I first get it, most bang for your buck if you ask me, and then you can really tell your friends you beat it. For example, people always tell me the Call of Duty 4 campaign is too short, well let me say that if you play it on Veteran level from start to finish, its a good length for a shooter game. I get the feeling that people want every game to be as long as Oblivion or mass effect, which would be nice, but its not practical and you all know it. And Jesus, if you don’t like it then either stop playing it or keep it to yourself man!

In closing I would like to encourage people to leave comments on the site, subscribe to us, and leave some questiosn for us to address so we can write more to what you want to hear.

Until next time lads and lasses, ciao

Well, as I am sure you folks will guess, my posts are few and far between compared to the other lads, so take them for the gems they are, or turds (your call). So lets talk about a few of my favorite things and hopefully everyone will get something fun to read. Lets start off with a little Warhammer. I play mostly Fantasy Battles as opposed to Warhammer 40K, currently I am working on a Tomb Kings army. But enough about me, the big news in the hobby these days are the new and improved army lists being spit out by Games Work Shop. I am sure that most of you who are involved in the hobby know that recently the High Elves got a make over of some would call epic proportions. Mind you, they need it, and it is still a well-balanced list in my opinion. I recently played a small 1000pt game against a High Elf opponent using the new rules. It was a new experience for me, but I still won, and it was a crushing victory as well.

But the High Elf face-lift pales in comparison with the Vampire Counts boob job and tummy tuck. Their new army book will be released in early March I believe, but one of the GW employees was nice enough to give yours truly a sneak peak. Let me tell you everything you liked about the Vampires is still there…plus some new bells and whistles. There is a lot to say, so I will stick to the truly mind blowing and important parts. First off, who remembers our friend the wraith? He was a terror unit that caused terror, had a great weapon and was ethereal. Pretty cool right, well now that same hero comes in entire skirmish units lead by banshees. That’s right now you to can enjoy the tears in your opponents eyes by putting a UNIT of wraiths down on the table to destroy their entire flank single handedly. Now as for the Vampire characters themselves, they have some cool new tricks hidden up their 1000-year-old sleeves. The main one being that they may now pick 100pts of magic items AND 100pts of vampiric bloodline traits AND they can mix and match from different bloodlines. The answer to your question is yes, the apocalypse is upon us. One such combo of attacks allows hatred against everyone and a rule, similar to the bone giants unstoppable assault, in which every wound allows another attack, so when you are hitting on 3s, rerolling your misses, and continuously attacking on wounds…that’s a lot of corpses. Speaking of corpses now only units of zombies may be created during game play. Skeletons may only be replenished a la tomb king magic. Three other new units include the corpse cart (chariots pulled by zombie which can wreak havoc on enemy casting), the vargul (a beast we all have nightmares about), and last but now least the new best knight in the game, the sovereign suckers, the revolution death squad…the blood knights. Yes that’s right, units of mounted vampire thralls which are frenzied and clad in the best equipment their endless stores of money can buy. Picture 3 strength 7 attacks coming at you…from each model!

Well that all I have to say about the Vampires, enjoy being slaughtered by them…Lets talk movies, I recently saw the new Rambo and let me say if you a guy, you should love this flick; it has everything but sex in it. If you’re a fan of the Rambo movies you will love this movie as it follows the same basic formula. People captured, Rambo likes them, goes to save them after “heavy” debate, gets pissed off at the enemy, slaughters them all…bbrruuttaallyy. Never before have I seen a man rip out another man’s throat with his bare hand! As for movies in the future, I very much look forwards to The Dark Knight (new Batman flick) featuring the Joker as played by heath Ledger (recently deceased). It really struck me when Ledger died, I was not sure why until I realized that he was only in his 20s making him only slightly older than me, and he was the first actor from my own generation to die. Other things to watch for include the next Indian Jones movie, as well as Iron Man, may he be better than the Fantastic Four.

On to television, all I watch is House, Lost, and Attack of the Show (AOTS). House has not been on lately because of the writer’s strike, which is now over. I missed last nights episode of Lost, BUT not to worry I will watch it today thanks to my trusty DVR, I suggest you get one to record your TV (well worth the money). I also missed last nights AOTS due to travel time, sorry kiddies that’s all for TV today.

Ok now the big one…video games. My current attention is placed on Call of Duty 4 (CoD4) and assassin’s creed. Both good games, for their single player and CoD4 has awesome multiplayer as well. I was a big Halo fan until I met CoD4. She was a harsh mistress but in the end she had the bigger rack so to speak. CoD4 offers a more realistic game play, more features, and better play style. Some features include actually opening new options for you personalized soldier when you level up. As well as offering challenges for you to complete (resulting in more XP). I don’t have the time to give Assassin’s Creed a just review so go to IGN or something. Switching over from the consol we have one of my favorites Dawn of War (DoW). Great and innovative RTS, with unique playable races and over 100 different maps to play on.

Which brings us to the future, March 4th, new DoW expansion, however you will not need the original to play. It offers a huge campaign mode, two new races and more maps. Star Craft 2, we don’t know a release date but keep your eyes on the horizon. The long awaited Spore is finally near completion, it is being produced by EA, which is solid, and has generated much hype, won’t know until you play it though. It is scheduled for September 7th 2008. And of coarse best for last, circle April 1st 2008 on your calendar because that my friends is the release for Star Wars the Force Unleashed. In this amazing game you play between the time period of episode 3 and 4, and take on the role of Darth Vader’s secret Sith apprentice. Which is cool cause it means you can trash both Imperials and Rebels alike. The game also boasts a DMM or digital molecular materials system, meaning that environmental chaos will never be the same. Wood will splinter, mental will bend, glass will shatter. Graphics will never be the same. Most importantly though the game has the Euphoric AI system, essentially meaning that the enemy will actually try to survive and no encounter will be the same twice. This game will be available for all system, which means the WII will have lightsaber combat SCORE!!

Well after talking about Vampires, Assassins, Sith, soldiers butchering each other, actors dying, and missing Lost, I have to go take a bath or read the bible or something, until next time, may the force be with you…always.